I have decided that these are my two vices. When I was getting dressed this morning, I was mentally making a list of the things I need to get done. I grabbed a pad of paper and started jotting down stuff.....it was a repeat of stuff I had written down a week or two ago. Why don't I get anything done? Facebook.....lots of wasted time there. I also said to myself - oh I have to watch Dancing with the Stars tonight from the computer. So there is another night that I won't get anything done because "my priorites" are skewed.
I just have to stop wasting time on things that don't matter. I know I'm not the only one who says to themselves "well when we finish the remodeling, when I lose weight, when Fred retires, when I finally feel like keeping a routine I'll do better"...... stuff like that. What a waste of thinking and days of living.
I have just got to do better. I need to clean the window sills, hem my new pair of pants that I bought a month ago, change the hem to the dress that keeps showing my garments everytime I wear it and Fred has to tell me my garments show, clear off the clutter in my new room that paralyzes me from finishing that room so it invites me in instead of closing the door so I won't see the clutter. Do you hear me? Does anyone understand?
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I think we may be clones. I do the exact same things. I've going to clean out the garage for 3 years now. Part of me is bothered by this but a BIGGER part of me just doesn't give a crap...about all the crap. I used to be the most organized person in the world (just ask my Mom.) Now, I'd rather goof off on the computer or watch old Law & Order episodes on cable. I'm going to blame it on my 45th birthday. (That was three years ago.) It seems that's when the new me emerged. About 10% of feels bad about it but 90% of me feel like I've been through years of stress, non-stop trying to be perfect, the hell of raising kids, trying to be the ultimate wife, mother, sister, daughter, Christian, volunteer, etc., etc. Now I just want to be happy and content and comfortable. No more rat-race living for me. I don't know if that's wrong or not, but it's where I'm at and I am currently embracing it.
Be kind to yourself Gayle. You have always been a driven person too. Maybe it's ok to sit back and enjoy life now.
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