Stepping it up

Last week in Relief Society the lesson was about Putting the Lord first.

Every topic mentioned, Fred and I suck at.

We don't have FHE.

We don't study the scriptures together.

We only pray at dinner time together.

We have gone to the temple here I think four times since we moved here.

How terrible is that?

Our friends in Bremerton would beat us.

We are LAZY when it comes to spiritual habits.

So now you can see why it totally depressed me.

For this lesson, the teacher passed out a handout with three questions.

 

1. What two things did you do this last week to put the Lord first?

I had to dig deep because at first I thought "I got nothing."

a. Made my VT appointments.

b. Read the introduction to the Ezra Taft Benson book as suggested.

(Yeah me)

 

2. What two things will you do this week to put the Lord first?

a. Read next weeks Sunday lessons.

b. Go to the Temple.

 

3. What will you give up or what will change when you put the Lord first?

a. I will watch less TV.

 

So this last week I was pretty depressed having basically been called to repentance AGAIN for the same sins of omission that I struggle with all the time. I find that I live more fully and faithfully when I serve in callings because they inspire me to live better. Since we have lived here I feel like a nobody so I am acting like a nobody. Feeling pretty much sorry for myself that for the rest of my life I will be insignificant and unused in our ward. It is about my pride. Having been needed and utilized all my days in our ward it is really hard to be invisible here. I find great comfort and reassurance in all the callings I have served in over the years. It's like I know that God is aware of me and it is His way of saying I am of value. "Here I need you in this calling."

 

So this last week was a bad one for me in every way. The first week since March that I felt I was eating out of control which was especially scary because I don't want to go back there. I wasn't sleeping well after I felt like I was getting back to sleeping better. Beginning to really feel depressed about Shannon & Brian and Scott & Jess moving so far away. Big amount of emptiness and what is my purpose now in life. I have nothing to do with my time. Back to that whole what to do with my life now with no kids. The house is empty and what do couples do when there are no children anymore.

 

So getting to the point of this post. This handout was very timely because Question number two actually challenged me. It was easy to read the Sunday lessons because I have so much time at work to read. Getting to the temple was the bigger challenge because we talk ourselves out of it so easily because I am just too tired ALL OF THE TIME. Fred and I talked about it and we said no matter what we would go on Saturday.

 

WE WENT TO THE TEMPLE!

I was sleepy during the session, but I did make it.

Fred and I set some basic goals because of this lesson. Thank you Hilary Ferguson for your lesson. You did good.