By the Way

None of the other ladies at work will use that bathroom anymore! It's possessed!

I'm a bit traumatized

My experience today was actually pretty funny. Right after it happened I just laughed, but now I feel a bit troubled. Here it is:

At the high school they are installing new toilets. Today I went into the bathroom and one of the two stalls was taped with the door open. I went to the next stall and didn't see any sign or indication that it was not open for use. I put the nice little paper cover on and sat down to tinkle. Well "crack". I got up and looked and the porcelein had actually cracked. I thought, well it should still be able to flush because I was hoping I could at least avoid the added embarrassment of leaving my pee...... so I flushed the toilet and water spurted out from the base of the pipe and soaked the floor and me head to toe. Luckily it only sprayed about 2-3 seconds. I wiped myself off with paper towels just laughing and went to the main office to report that I broke the new toilet. I did have to laugh because what was my option. I gathered everyone in the Counseling office so I only had to tell the story only one more time. After everyone enjoyed the laugh, I packed my stuff and came home and took a shower. How would you feel?

Fancy Nails

I went to the Seaport Salon and Spa last night. As you can see, I wasn't into matchy match.

I thought I would get crazy and go with a really fun color for my fingernails.

I think I will do this kind of fun color more often. It was really good to sit for the hour

pedicure so my fingernails really set well.

Self Compassion Diet

So I bought this book. I don't remember now what magazine I was reading, but there was an article about weight loss that caught my eye can you imagine that? It's called "The Self-Compassion Diet" A Step-by-Step Program to Lose Weight with Loving-Kindness by Jean Fain. Now doesn't that sound interesting and wonderful? I totally identified with the emotions and words in the article so I ran home and ordered the book. Here is a quote that I read in it tonight. "

"One of the delights of life is eating with friends, second to that is talking about eating. And, for an unsurpassed double whammy, there is talking about eating while you are eating with friends".

Can you identify with that statement. I sure can. I just had to share it. So far the book seems half and half mumbo jumbo, but I'll keep reading. This is way better than counting calories or depriving myself. I'll love myself with kindness while I eat.

This are the six "Practices" they teach you in the 1st chapter of the book.

Metta: Loving-Kindness Meditation - "May I set aside shame and accept my body" this is what I picked for my metta statement.
Compassionate Advisor: A guided Visualization - I don't like visualization exercises
Compassionate Note to Self: A Writing Exercise - I'm already doing a lot of writing with other "issues" in addition to my weight obsession
Compassionate Glasses: A Guided Visualization - again, don't like visualization exercises
Head-to-toe Appreciation: A Guided Visualization - actually I kind of do this sometimes
Tonglen: Give-and-Take Meditation - sounds too complicated

Anyway this is what I'm into currently.

Magnificent Cake Creation

Today at work we held a retirement party for four of our teachers who are retiring this year. One of gals at work who plans this affairs has a friend from her church who made the cake. Take a look. My pictures don't do it justice.........

Silver City Porter Lake Brownie

Here you see yet another item of food that I ate while out recently with friends. Those of you who know me well enough to even be reading my blog, my love of food comes as no surprise. Especially chocolate. When I analyze and ponder on my relationship with food, I can pinpoint a few experiences that have led me to my addiction with eating. The first came to be when we lived in Japan back in 1986 for six months. It was a very stressful time for me. Fred was at work all the time and I had the girls ages 5 and 3. Stopping at the cute markets and buying the Japanese candy, cookies etc...was so fun because the packaging was so cute. I regularly left the girls at a babysitter and went on base to eat out and watch episodes of General Hospital on the big screen tv in the restaurant. We didn't have a tv in our apartment in town. As I look back, I recognize that this was the time I started using food as an adult for comfort.

Then as the kids grew up, eating out was how I spent my time with them. It was like a secret indulgence that I had the power and freedom to do without Fred's approval. I did, however, try to hide containers regularly which I don't think worked because he always knew. But I found as I would sit with the kids whether all of us or one on one.....we talked. I would take the girls out of school all their way through high school at times to take them out to eat.

Now as I examine my eating habits......and addiction (truthfully it is).... I think I try to recreate that emotion of joy and fulfillment that I experienced while my children were at home. Whether you would ever say it to my face.....I have gotten really fat since my girls left home. Scott was still home, but I already felt the emptiness without my daughters. I have girlfriends, but they aren't here in the house when I come home from work. Fred is always busy with projects or church stuff or whatever else....and I realize he can't fill that void of mine.

I am working really hard to figure out how to start over and change, but it is very hard. Every time I bring food to my mouth I ask myself "why" then pop it in. Why you say - because it is cocaine to my needs.

So ladies - get a life - be a whole person without relying on your children for your value. Be honest with yourself and figure out what makes you feel of worth and then do it.

BBQ Ribs

So here is Scott's dinner plate tonight. It amazes me that he eats this much. Even when Fred was this age he didn't pack it down like this.